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World Cup Mockery

November 30th, 2009 Sebastian Fengler 1 comment

While FIFA has not announced officially what exactly the set-up for the draw proceedings will be, the names of the countries to be placed in each one of the 4 different pots for the draw are widely circulating on the web.  

Most likely the draw will proceed the following way: Pot 1 contains all the seeded teams and South Africa, the host nation. Pot 2 contains all the European teams, Pot 3 contains the South American and African teams, and Pot 4 the rest. No group will be allowed to contain more than two teams from Europe and no more than one team from any other continent.

So just in time for the big event on Friday, here is my Mock Draw for the 2010 World Cup according to the above-mentioned format:

 

 

Group A:

South Africa

Slovenia

Uruguay

New Zealand

As always, FIFA needs to make sure that the host nation advances to the next round. Job well done, Sepp Blatter!

Group B:

Brazil

Denmark

Ghana

Japan

Globalization in a box. This group will be sure to give the famously friendly Danish travelers a full-blown cultural experience.  Get ready for a love fest. These countries are simply too far apart to hate each other.

Group C:

Spain

Portugal

Chile

Mexico

Salsa! If Group 2 was the Peace Group, this is war! A good way for Spain to prove they really deserve winning their first World Cup (and owning more of Latin America than Portugal)

Group D:

Italy

Greece

Paraguay

North Korea

 The catenaccio group. None of these teams plays with more than one striker, accordingly all games will end 0-0. Because of FIFA’s inability to stage a four-team playoff there will be an unprecedented 4-way coin flip contest that sees North Korea and Italy go through. The day after the event, photos of Berlusconi and Kim Jong-Ill meeting at Berlusconi’s villa in Italy appear in Italian newspapers.

 Group E:

Germany

Slovakia

Nigeria

Honduras

 Germany always gets the average beatable opponents for the Group Stages. This year won’t be any different.

 Group F:

Argentina

Serbia

Cameroon

Australia

 Maradona loses to Cameroon (again) as Argentina are eliminated. A week later, he accepts an offer to coach Cuba in their quest for World Cup glory in 2014.

 Group G:

England

Holland

Ivory Coast

USA

 Since all rumors printed in the Daily Mail eventually turn out to be facts, England gets their group of death. (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-1229246/REVEALED-The-World-Cup-draw-pots-England-Cristiano-Ronaldo-Didier-Drogba.html)

 Group H:

France

Switzerland

Algeria

South Korea

 After French draws against Switzerland and South Korea (Deja-vu is French after all), the result of the last match day is a street party in Marseille, after Algeria eliminates France. Random Irish tourists join the celebration.

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