South Korea vs. Greece: The National Anthem Battle

Sadly, this has become the first Anthem DeathMatch that I’ve missed, due to my inability to wake up at 7:30 in the morning. Is it safe to call it a draw?

The Match

The visual clarity of the first World Cup™ I’ve seen in HD™ has led this display of football to be infinitely more painful than one could ever imagine. What does the future have in store for technologically enhanced sub-par entertainment?

The tie featured the Greek Neo-Classical style of football: perplexing length, enigmatic presentation (will they ever connect more than 2 passes?), and very tall players, all the while asking ominously profound questions of our ability to tolerate their style). It’s a repeat of 2004’s ultra-defensive and counterattacking side, only not very good at defense, and unable to actually counterattack.

Meanwhile, South Korea copes with its second straight World Cup without direct referee assitance. Their last World Cup began with an encouraging defeat of Togo, a draw with France, but a defeat to Alpine Powerhouse Switzerland that ensured currywurst would be their only World Cup consolation. They stay true to their style of massive capitalist production, but struggle to match the quality of the products they are competing with.

Nonetheless, the Greeks out-dismal the Koreans for a 2-0 final score in favor of the South Korea. To quote Scott Murray of the Guardian: “Though I didn’t think they’d have any chance of out-haplessing their 1994 squad, and they’re giving that a good go.”

Politically Correct Picks: South Korea vs. Greece

At first glance, a winner seems clear; the Greek way, once one of wisdom and intellect, has become one of overspending and shambolic recovery efforts, helping to plunge their neighbors into monetary uncertainty. Not to mention widespread accusations of state police brutality during the revolts in Athens in the past couple of years. Just when the Koreans appear set to win, an own-goal pops out of nowhere: the Korean animal rights issue (dog-b-q, anyone? not to mention all the YouTubes out there of Koreans serving still-alive animals) jumps into the forefront, hitting Western civilization where it most hurts: right in the puppies. Result: a draw.